Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior (Sex/Porn “Addiction”)

Offering a sex-positive, non-judgmental, and non-pathologizing alternative approach for working with "sex addiction."

Do you find yourself engaging in sexual activities that feel out of control/compulsive to you?

  • Do your sexual choices put you at risk? Are you spending too much money on escorts, massage parlors, OnlyFans, or cam girls? Have you been keeping secrets from your partner? Are you smug in your conviction that you will never be caught? Are you having sex with strangers and putting yourself at risk by not using protective barriers or putting yourself in high-risk situations?

  • Is your porn use time-consuming and impacting other daily responsibilities?

  • Do you use sex as an emotional drug?

  • Do you experience considerable shame due to your sexual behavior?

  • Have you committed to stopping or cutting back on your sexual behavior but find yourself unable to stop?

  • Do you wish you had a healthier relationship with sex?

Difficulties I treat:

Behavioral:

  • Excessive porn use

  • Frequent masturbation

  • Making explicit or obscene phone calls to others

  • Extramarital affairs

  • Regular use of escorts or prostitutes

  • Frequent attendance to strip clubs or massage parlors

  • Engaging in cybersex or phone sex

  • Purchasing and hiding sexually explicit content from family and friends

  • Displaying sexually offensive behaviors to others / engaging in sexual harassment

  • Partaking in risky sexual behaviors

  • Having anonymous sex with others

Cognitive:

  • Preoccupation with thoughts that are sexual in nature

  • Obsession with sexual activity

  • Inept decision-making

  • Poor impulse control

  • Euphoria when anticipating or engaging in sexual activity

Psychosocial:

  • Feelings of guilt or shame following sexual encounters

  • Depressed mood

  • Mood swings

Many individuals find their engagement in compulsive sexual behavior emotionally confusing and full of isolation, shame, and conflict. Incessant sexual thoughts can feel overwhelming and intrusive while seeking out sexual release can feel exhilarating and essential. You have a moment of feeling desired, wanted, fully in your sexual being but the aftermath of participating in these sexual behaviors can lead to deep feelings of shame, guilt, and remorse. You may simultaneously feel powerful and powerless. And you can’t shake the dread of eventually being discovered. You have so much to lose: your family, your children, your reputation.

Therapy and Coaching for Compulsive Sexual Behavior

Many view and treat compulsive/out-of-control sexual behavior as an “addiction.” The sex addiction model is usually based on a 12-step treatment model with a focus on stigmatizing and abstinence from sexual behavior that is deemed inappropriate by the program. The model that I work from (the “out-of-control sexual behavior model” or OCSB) helps you identify and cultivate what sexual health means to you and supports a healthy and empowered expression of your sexuality.

It can be incredibly healing to share your long-held secrets in a safe and non-judgmental space. I work from a place of compassion and understanding, helping you to better understand what drives this behavior, identify what type of sexual health you want for your life, and identify the tools for health and healing.